Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
