he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
