so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
