Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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