My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
