Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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