there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize