just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
