I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
