Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
