Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
