every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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