Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
