If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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