I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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