Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
