I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
