he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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