you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize