Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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