we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize