it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
