distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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