you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My bed smells like the plague
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
