His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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