Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
