I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
