yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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