im about as happy as oj after his trial
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
