If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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