I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
