So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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