She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
