Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
