community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
