I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
