I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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