you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
