Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
