you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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