Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
