Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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