So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
