Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
