ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
