I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
