if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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