i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize