I wish I only lived at night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
