so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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