I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
