Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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