too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
