Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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