Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
