someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was born a porn star she said
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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