I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
