True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
