Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
