I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
