I puked a lego.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
