I think my fart just growled at me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize