Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
