he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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