just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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