It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
