He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
