Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
