If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
