She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
