"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
