I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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